American couples maintain their cultural traditions

SCRIPPS HOWARD

When Araba and Ebo Dawson- Andoh got married in 1978, neither the groom nor the bride was at the traditional Ghanaian wedding in Cape Coast. A wedding is not just a union between two people, but a union of their families, said Ebo Dawson- Andoh, 52, a chemistry professor now living in Morgantown, W.Va.

Dawson-Andoh and his wife, a university librarian, came to the United States in 1995. “When you marry a person, you marry the family,” he said. “The family aspect supercedes the individuals.” While it undoubtedly seems strange to miss your own wedding, customs Americans take for granted differ wildly from some in other countries. Ghanaian weddings sometimes have two components, a traditional one and a modern Christian or Muslim ceremony, said Araba Dawson-Andoh.

The Dawson-Andohs had a Christian wedding two years later.

In a traditional wedding, a professional spokesman or members of the groom’s family seek approval from the bride’s family.

When agreement is reached, the man and his family must bring her family a dowry of money, clothing and alcohol, Araba Dawson-Andoh said. In return, the bride’s family prepares a wedding feast.

The bride and groom wear colorful woven wraps called kentes at the traditional wedding and a white gown and black suit at the church wedding. Family ties and tradition made Sarbjit S.

Kochhar, 50, return to India to find a wife in 1988, four years after coming to the United States. Kochhar and his family chose a bride from the matrimonial ads in the newspaper, he said.

After that, their parents got together, and the marriage was fixed, but he insisted on talking to his prospective bride. “Because I was from here, I wanted to make sure that she is not forced into something that she doesn’t want.

So I met her and I asked her.

And she said yes,” he said. Kochhar, who owns a liquor store in Washington, D.C., and his wife-to-be, Meenu, dated a couple of times and got married less than a month after they met. Their wedding was traditional with a “touch of modernization,” he said.

They had had two ceremonies — the ring ceremony and the wedding itself. Sikh weddings used to last up to a month, but modern life has shrunk the ceremonies to a day. Traditionally, the groom would ride a mare to pick up his bride and go to the temple.

The bride wore salwar kameeze — large trousers and a long blouse, and the chunni — a heavy, embroidered shawl, preferably red.

The groom wore a long closed-neck jacket, tight pants and a pink turban with a veil, to keep bad spirits away, that was removed in the temple. The wedding is the bride’s expense. Though dowry usually plays an important role in selecting a bride, Kochhar said he did not want anything. At a Bolivian wedding, the bride’s family pays for the food, and the groom’s family brings the alcohol, said Veronica Quirejazu, the embassy press secretary. A custom dating from the Spanish colonial times requires a godparent to bring silver coins to the groom, who gives them to the bride, who returns them to the groom.

The couple wears a big necklace over both their shoulders, Quirejazu said. At a Greek weddings, a guest of honor known as the koumbaros crowns the wedding couple and joins them in a symbolic gesture by circling the altar three times.

A Greek bride wears a wedding ring on her left hand until the ceremony, when it is moved to her right hand.

It’s also a tradition for the bride’s male relatives to slap the groom on the back, sometimes with force, as a way of welcoming him into the family. A Romanian bride decorates a fir tree with bagels and apples on the morning of her wedding as her female friends and the groom’s male friends perform a traditional dance.

A young bachelor carries the tree through the wedding ceremonies.

During the wedding reception, the couple’s friends “steal” the bride and demand a symbolic ransom from the groom. Chinese wedding ceremonies are becoming more modern, and the traditional red wedding dress is often replaced by the Western white, said Jianhua Li, press officer of the Chinese embassy.

Weddings are more likely to take place on a date that has the lucky numerals 6, 8 or 9, he said. Many Japanese couples prefer to travel abroad to marry because it is cheaper, said Adam Steckler, information officer of the Japan Information and Culture Center. The wedding day is still chosen according to Chinese and Japanese astrological traditions.

The most important ritual still being kept is the exchange of sake called sansan kudo (three-three-nine times).

It consists of three formal sips of sake by the bride and groom from three cups graduated from small to large, Steckler said. (Kemberly Gong also contributed to this story).