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WASHINGTON (AP) _ Newlyweds should carefully nurture their relationship "as if it is their first child," counsels psychologist Thomas L. Wright. Communication is the key, says Wright, psychology professor at The Catholic University of America. But men and women often have different attitudes. "Wives feel that relationships are better if they talk about a problem with their spouse, and husbands often feel that relationships are better when they don't have to talk about it," he says. "Premarital and marriage counselors encourage husbands to increase their tolerance to talk things out more and remind wives to be mindful of their husbands' fears of conflict." A support network of close family members, friends and clergy can be a haven to couples, either together or individually. "These are the people who can encourage the couple to go back and work out their problems." Wright says he often recommends couples adopt what's called a relational bank account. Devised by psychologists Howard Markman and Clifford I. Notarius, it works on a system of deposits for acts of kindness versus withdrawals for put-downs. Each "zinger," or put-down, takes away 20 acts of kindness. "If you are thinking about sending your partner a `zinger,' think again," cautions Wright. "Calm down and try to say the same thing without hurting your spouse's feelings." |
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