(AP) _ The old joke about being at the wrong wedding and not knowing it doesn't apply any more.

"Guests are staying late and having fun at weddings," says Marcy Blum, a wedding consultant in New York City.

What's making weddings more fun might be special effects in lighting or flowers, unusual entertainment or food, or extravagant parties that are a bit like visiting Disney World. In fact, the event may even be at Disney World. By the end of 1997, 2,300 weddings will have taken place at the resort and theme park complex in Orlando, Fla.

"The ultimate is to be married at Cinderella's Castle in the Magic Kingdom," says Rebecca Miller, senior sales development manager for Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings division, formed in 1991.

The bride arrives in a glass carriage with a costumed driver, a footman and two or more trumpeters. The ceremony is held in the rose garden, with dinner and dancing at Cinderella's Royal Table, a restaurant in the castle.

"Couples come to us for non-Disney themes like a medieval or a winter wonderland wedding or a country-western wedding," Miller says. "People know we already have the props and costumes to create many different themes."

While the Cinderella wedding is one of the most expensive _ starting at about $45,000 for 100 guests _ the average Disney wedding for 100 people costs about $19,000, which puts it in line with lavish weddings around the country.

But it's not necessary to journey to the Magic Kingdom for a touch of showmanship. One couple found it at the Yale Club in New York City when the bride's brother created special lighting for the ceremony.

An architect and lamp designer in New York, David Bergman reworked one of his floor lamp designs to create a chuppah (Jewish ceremonial wedding canopy) of light for the wedding of Karen Bergman and John Thyfault last summer. He augmented the effect with four tall candelabra for the aisle. The special lighting elements added their glow to the reception area after the ceremony was over.

The enthusiastic approval of his design by wedding guests took Bergman by surprise and convinced him he should add custom wedding lights to the repertoire of his company, Fire and Water.

While the architect was surprised, Blum is not. In large cities, it's becoming more common to hire a lighting designer to provide special lighting effects, she says. "Special lighting glamorizes a space. Shining a pin spot on an inexpensive bud vase on a table will make a better impression than if more elaborate floral centerpieces were used without the lighting."

"Even if we don't bring in a lighting company, we might change the light bulbs for more flattering light, or bring in candles."

While wedding planners can be expected to know such things, what's surprising is the number of couples who are paying attention to nuances that once might have washed over them. "I can't tell you how many girls have come to me worrying that the bridesmaids' dresses don't match the carpet in the church," says florist Lynn Lary McLean of Friendswood, Texas. "There was a time when nobody would have thought about visual coherence. Consumers are more educated now. They are trained by TV, magazines and retail stores with great displays."

Weddings do have a degree of showmanship that was missing in the past, says Millie Bratten, editor of Bride's magazine. One of her favorite examples was the wedding of two actors in New York City who hired a theater, sent invitations that looked like theater tickets, gave guests assigned seats, and printed up a theater program. After the ceremony on stage, there was a backstage party for all assembled.